Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Schwerin, you might have saved human kind

Hey, humans!

It's me, your favourite Martian.

You know those moments of enlightenment you sometimes experience all of a sudden  when you're just doing a trivial thing like breathing or walking? Well, that happened to me this week when I went to  Schwerin for a short trip.

I visited the Schwerin Palace, which isn't difficult to get to, really. You just take a twenty-minute stroll from the main train station and end up here.

It is stunning. It really is. It's gorgeous and monumental, and its gardens are one of the places where you can imagine just sitting there for hours, not really doing anything but enjoying the brisk air and view.  The ticket to see the inside of the palace is rather high (€8.50 for adults) for people or non-people like me, considering you're just going around looking at all things, not allowed to touch anything. But for those who enjoy art and history it's more than approachable.
You see a lot and get to experience how rich royalty back then actually was.
One piece of furniture in the castle could have fed an entire village.

Still, it's a experience I am thankful for doing. Especially to show my Martians back home photos of this place. They might agree that Earth is a place worth saving.

Even if just to conquer it in the next hundred years.

The Palace

The Inner Garden 

The Outer Garden

Anyways, I think I have set my mind to vetoing the destruction of your planet and you can thank this palace for that and maybe the gym I'm going to. It seems that working out really does make you think more positively. I shall introduce the concept of gyms like yours to my fellow Martians. Maybe we, too, become less prone to destroying other planets and more on learning from them.

Right before we take over your worlds, that is.

Try and visit Schwerin. It's an adorable town to visit. You'll enjoy the stroll to the palace and maybe you'll have luck like I had to visit a ceramic market, which was held that day. I bought a really cute plate with hand-drawn flowers.

That's my souvenir from Earth for now -- no tattoos yet! 

That was all from your favourite Martian today.

Enjoy the safety of your planet. And remember to enjoy the beauty of it, too.

Yours truly, 

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Seagulls: birds or assassins?

Hello, my lovely readers.

It’s me again, your favourite Martian.

Remember that time when I decided to go to Warnemünde and mentioned I might go again? Well, I did. It was a warm and sunny day and I had the uncontrollable urge to organise a picnic with my friend. So I did. We made a salad and pancakes, took some fruit and set off to enjoy the rays of sunshine or a pleasantly warm day.

Since it was Warnemünde Week, a maritime festival and sailing event, there were many stands around and different things to do. It was crowded but fun. Even if I had to squeeze my Martian body between far too many sweaty human bodies just to get to the beach.

We picked a nice place somewhere in the middle of the beach, closest to a toilette (convenience sake) and put our blankets down, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. A perfect way to spend your summer. Throw in a sand castle and you have the full experience.

Until you take a pancake and see a flying projectile called a seagulls landing onto your face and shoulders and scratching you with its claws while trying to grab your pancake with its beak.

And it’s not joking. It will rather rip off your face than let go of YOUR pancake.

Okay. Maybe I was wrong -- maybe it really is ITS pancake. It did insist pretty hard on it. Maybe there is some rule that all the food you bring to the beach belongs to the seagulls by default.
Fruit, sandwiches, PANCAKES or chips. Doesn’t matter, does it?

Anyways, if you decide to go to Warnemünde -- and you really should, it’s a beautiful beach and a summer experience -- maybe it would be smart to find a secure place without any seagulls around or you should hermetically close all the food containers you own.

Because, they are lurking and just waiting for an opportunity to maul your face to get to that nice crispy fry you saved for last. They’ve been sent by someone and they aim to end you.


Sooner than you’d think.

Sonner than a Martian gets to hide her antennas.

Take care and stay away from seagulls.

At least when I raze the planet I’ll destroy those beasts as well! Pretty harsh words for a vegan, right? And non-human. But details.

Stay tuned.

Yours truly,

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Finding a place you can actually pay with your own credit card


It’s your favourite Martian again. This time I’ll comment on a really irritating ever-present question in Germany -- at least for us -- non-Germans, let alone non-Earthlings:

Credit card; will it or will it not swipe?.

The omnipresent problem ofGerman stores is definitely the one of accepting international credit cards. Weirdly enough, unlike a lot of cities in developed European countries (like Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Stockholm...) that I visited, Rostock has only a handful of stores where international credit cards are accepted.

Honestly, the only stores I found that would accept my international credit cards, regardless if Maestro, Mastercard or Visa, were big supermarkets like Kaufland, Rewe and Netto. Weirdly enough, not even smaller Edeka stores accept my international credit cards.

Don’t even get me started on any other restaurants or random shops I enter in the city centre. Every time I enter it’s the same story all over again:

“Nur EC-Karte.”

For those who are not familiar with the EC-Karte: it’s the term accepted for the German girocard. In some cases the German debit card as well, but in general it usually refers to the German girocard.

Not the girocard you have from your own country - regardless of the stamp ‘international’ on it, but only the German one.

I must say that it is extremely frustrating because this makes your stay in Rostock very difficult. Just last week I was sick and needed meds from the pharmacy. But guess what - they do not accept any international credit cards - only cash. And when you have a 30 euro bill for meds, you might not have that much cash to give around.

So what did your favourite Martian have to do?

She had to open her German bank account. Even if she’ll be only using it until she destroys this planet with one swift laser attack. Oh, the waste of precious time and funds, which could be going into my laser and not into cough syrup. By the way, the cough syrup here, is not even half as strong as the one I take on Mars.

But you know the saying -- when in Rome do as Romans do. In my case; when on Earth, do as people do. Even if my physiology is vastly different than yours. Then again; no pain, no gain.

So if you're travelling to this part of Germany, I'll strongly suggest creating a German bank account if you plan to stay for longer than a month. It will make your lives much easier. And that is precisely what I'm trying to do for you here.

So I gritted my teeth and opened my bank account at Deutsche Bank , which offers opening a bank account free of charge for students, only to visit the pharmacy and finally get my meds.

And now I’ll say Cheers! or Prost! as Germans do.

And chug my cough syrup.

Stay tuned.

Yours truly,


Thursday, May 11, 2017

On tattoos and/as souvenirs

Hey, hey!

It's me again - your favourite Martian, who is deciding on the fate of your planet. Fun, fun, fun.

 My friend visited me for my birthday this week. She comes from Neptun and her name is Tomomo. Yeah, it does have a ring to it, doesn't it?.

I took her sightseeing even if my muscle fever made me walk as if I had a pilates ball between my legs.

Funny thing is - I have absolutely no idea about anything in Rostock. So, after a very long walk we just went to a tattoo studio and she got a tattoo as a souvenir from Earth.

We went to Blood and Pain studio. They have a Facebook, too and the studio isn't far from the Neuer markt station.

This tattoo and piercing parlor is just drop-dead gorgeous and the staff is extra nice, even if they don't really speak English all that way. Our translating device, MartasticTranslator, broke so I had to use the German skills I acquired to get the message through. I do think the communication was successful in the end, considering she got the tattoo she wanted in the place she wanted. And mind I say it was pretty - very much so.

So if you ever wish to get a tattoo to remind you of Rostock, I would warmly recommend this place - not only is the quality of the tattoos high, it also has an approachable price for the service they offer and excellent tattoo artists.

My friend's tattoo - Can you guess what it is? ^^

Hmmm... Maybe I could use a tattoo to remind me of my time spent here. It would be extra meaningful once I wipe the humankind off the face of the earth. I'll go now and ponder on this.

But then again; I can always just get a magnet and avoid having something carved into my skin for the rest of my Martian life.
I tend to be protective of the outer layer of my body...

Stay tuned.


Monday, May 8, 2017

Always read

Hello again, lovely human beings,

you remember I told you about that gym I went to? No? Go read my blog. You'll find out about it. Yes?  Ok, then I'll make the story short: I overdid it.

For a longer version you can simply continue reading.

So... I did my usual workout routine, which consists of 40 minutes of running, 30 minutes of cycling and 30 minutes of rowing. We, Martians, like our cardio.

But then I made a grave mistake.

I took a course without reading the description.

It turned out that it was a cardio boxing training, CardioBoX, at a high difficulty level, lasting for 45 minutes.

Let me tell you; the guy didn't go easy on us. No, no. He made sure we hop and punch and dodge as if our lives were on stake and not just the rhythm of the music playing in the background.

The music didn't matter anyways - I could only hear my two hearts beating in discord most of the time. One in the rhythm of music and the other one in the rhythm of my actual movements.

Basically, I've been stuck in my room for 6 days now and only today was I able to move again - to walk on my own two feet without producing screams or grabbing any even remotely stable objects on my way to the toilet.

So, dear humans, the lesson of today's post is: READ THE DESCRIPTION.

One day it could save your life and not just your  muscles.

I just want you to take care of yourselves.

Well... Until I decide to raze your planet.

Sincerely yours,

P.S. Mind I just say the course was excellent. And I had a blast. I'll be coming again, but this time - prepared.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Damn you, "free" things

Hello, my lovely readers.

It's been a few weeks since I've been stuck in here. I have exciting news, though - I joined a gym!

Yes, yes, you heard it right. I joined a gym close to my student dormitory and so far I am loving it. Surprisingly enough, I don't really like exercising - I am one fat Martian. Oh, that might be offensive towards myself... Let me rephrase it: I am one curvy and thick-boned Martian.
This 'thick-boneness' could also be the reason why my ship crashed. It may have even subconsciously driven me to join a gym.
The human brain works in mysterious ways.

Anyways... The gym's name is FitX and in order to join it, you must sign a year contract - however, you can cancel the contract if you move away. Basically, once my spaceship is fixed, I'll return back home and fax them my travel logs. That should be enough of a proof that I am no longer on Earth, shouldn't it?.

Where was I again? I tend to digress very easily - as you might have noticed already.

Oh, yes. Gym. I'll also show you where to find it.

So, the cost is €15 monthly, which is a great price for what they offer. You should be aware though, that you also pay a sign up fee of €29, as well.

Bearing in mind everything this gym offers, it's definitely worth the price. It offers all the usual gym equipment and this equipment is brand new. They have trainers that can help you make a work-out schedule or just show you how to handle certain pieces of equipment. They also offer various sport courses, like yoga, boxing, etc., at different levels of difficulty.

FitX Gym (inside, cardio floor)

Once you sign up, you get a welcoming present; a FitX towel, a bottle and a rucksack - and mind I say - they are pretty neat,

I haven't told you about the best part yet.

Drumrolls, please.

They have an open bar!

Yes, I know there is no alcohol in there but I am a big sucker for these things - even if it's plain water.

Hmm, I guess I know why I like this gym; I get presents and free sparkly water. Who in their right minds would not like that?.

Take care and stay tuned.

Yours truly,

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Well, hello, Warnemünde!

Did you see that place?

First I thought it was just some beach you come to via Straßenbahn from either the main station in Rostock or Parkstraße, so I wasn't expecting much - I mean, a beach right next to some cranes and a train station? Would you expect much?
Not to mention the way there, some really big pipes all around, something that looks like factories and untrimmed bushes.

Surprisingly enough, Warnemünde is like a small little village from a fairy tale, you can walk through it, eat ice cream or just grab a Fischbrötchen.

I honestly liked it, even if these meanies gave it three starts on google maps. But, oh, well, people love complaining far more than complimenting, don't they?
That's one more minus in my book (Pros and cons of saving the human race). But the Fischbrötchen gives them a plus, so it's at 0 again.

So once you get off the Straßenbahn at the second Warnemünde station - yep, there are two - the first one is the ones with cranes and it looks really scary, while the other one is the beach. So, be patient, wait for the last station of the S2 bahn.

Anyways, once you walk a bit down the main lane, you'll reach the beach itself. And it's huge and sandy. I took a pic with my Mars-O-Vision camera, so you can see how I see your world.

I took a swim in the warm water, now in April, but everyone was staring at me. Then I remembered that humans are sensitive to cold and that I should pretend not to be hot.

Gee, what would you do on my planet? It's like minus 60 degrees there.

Anyways, if you are a human, please refrain from swimming until it's warmer. You might risk getting a cold or dying from a heart attack.

I care about your well-being.

Well, at least until I decide you should be obliterated.

Stay tuned.